I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
