Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
