Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
