btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
