The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize