end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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