I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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