i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
