bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
