last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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