maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize