"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
