i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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