Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
