All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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