Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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