Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found the puke drawer
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
