Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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