Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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