ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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