I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
