And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
