I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
