The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize