just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
