the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize