I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
