there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
