Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
