Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
