If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dicks are not precious.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
