woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
