Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize