For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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