I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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