So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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