Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
