he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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