Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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