Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
