Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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