advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
