Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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