so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize