pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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