i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
