I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
