did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
