Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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