he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
