I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
