Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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