They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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