I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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