are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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