nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
