then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
