I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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