Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize