My cat gives me a boner
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
