No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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