Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
