CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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