the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Too much gin, very little bucket
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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