I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
