Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
