Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
