I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
