im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Drake has all the answers
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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