mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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