So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
