Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
