why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize