i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
