if i died would you start the facebook group?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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