He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
