I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
