We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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