I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
