I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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