as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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