just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
