Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
