i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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