We won't sleep together?
are you so shy because you have an std?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
