ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
jump out the window naked night went bad
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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