I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
