I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Buhtt sex?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
