Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I sprained my soul last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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