it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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