That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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