Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
