I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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