I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
