you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
