for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
