It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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