how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
