worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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