i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I understand Curling. That high.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize