i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
