The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
