Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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